Happy moments, happy times. That’s what I was living in. I had just turned 10, bo was 14, and our baby sister was a newborn. On top of that we had just moved into our new home. Barry landscape business was flourishing, and mom was still delivering mail for USPS.
However challenges were going to hit soon..
*disclaimer* -this is where I will begin telling a part of the story I have been scared to tell. I’m sure I’m gonna leave things out, or possibly leave people out. So I apologize up front if this offends some family members. However, Understand this, this is my story to tell. It’s factual, and if you are offended that I mentioned you negatively, you could have easily changed this story, but you didn’t. So here we go.
Our home was like a dream come true, other than not having really any kids living around us. Well, there was one family on the street that had two sons, they were cool. I remember taking a lot of pride in my bedroom, (Seeing as how my bedroom at the trailer park was a glorified closet). Bo was getting into his teenage years. You know, the years where a 10 year old isn’t really cool to play with anymore. So I was usually out in the woods by myself pretending to be a navy seal, or playing video games, and he was beginning to get to old to play. I understood. We were still very close, just things were changing, you know what I mean?
Me and my best friend Colton would hang out a lot. His mom and my mom were best friends. We were very close. He definitely plays a major part in this story. I just don’t have enough time to jot every thing down. So to keep it short. We are still close after all those years if that helps you understand.
Bragan was not quite old enough to play with yet. Big bummer . I could not wait until She got old enough where I could play with her, I spent so much time just holding her. She was so beautiful. When she was a newborn she had super curly hair, and these big ole blue eyes. Man they were something. I would just hold her and study her. My answered prayer. My dream come true. My assurance that God was real. I would talk to her all the time, even though she couldn’t talk back. I felt she understood me though, so I just kept on talking.
I was always at my moms hip. I was a mommas boy for sure, I’m sure I’ve already mentioned that. She was my everything. That’s the thing about parenting. You get some kind of pure love from your kids that really can’t be matched. Its magic. Oh , and we still had our early morning date. I would always hear her SUV crank up, and I would roll my blinds up, and there she was. No matter if she was late for work or not. She was there, blowing me kisses and telling me she loved me. I really think that’s why I have a hard time getting up early now.
Alright it’s time to get sidetracked and talk about difficult things
I earnestly desired my dads and barry’s attention and approval. I really did.
I could not wait every other weekend to get to go see my dad. He had a condo in B’ham that over looked the city. To me, it was amazing. It was a small place, but had everything he needed. He would always pick me up on that Friday. We would usually go to the grocery store on our way to his condo. He had enough food for him, but I could eat a house so.. we would usually go to Bruno’s in south side. I named my first dog Bruno that for that reason. My dad was manager of a bbq restaurant and and could (and still can) cook really well. I loved watching him pick the spices and whatever food he was gonna cook. Other Friday’s he would order pizza and that was awesome too. If I could characterize my dad it would be: laid back I guess. To me he was always cool. I mean, sure, he would get upset ever so often, but for the most part he was very laid back with me. I never really got in trouble when I was with him. If I could count all the times i got in trouble with my dad, I would say no more than 5 times. I really can only remember like 3 times. I’m sure dad can remember more, but I’m the one telling the story, so maybe that paints the picture. I was(and still am) a devout Christian. I think that kind of put a wedge between us. My dad had a rocky relationship with his parents. He loves them very much, but I think they went too far on some things. But i don’t want to speak on it, cause i don’t know a whole lot about it. He has only told me bits and pieces. But I do know, that due to his upbringing he was apathetic to Christianity. That was hard for me, but those were the cards I was dealt. The hardest part for my dad and I really, is this: I’m a very emotional person. My dad isn’t really. At least not to me. I’ve always wanted our relationship to be closer. Especially now.
But anyway, i rambled there for a bit.
Back to the story
Mine and Barry’s relationship sort of began to change. As I aforementioned, my dad was laid back. Barry was a polar opposite. He was very strict, and often too strict. Things got physical. It’s been a permanent scar that I have for a long time made myself forget. But it happened. I loved Barry very much and begged for his love and attention. Often times though I would get something else entirely. I was a difficult boy to raise, that’s a fact. But I longed for his love. So when that happened, it left a deep scar that never healed. Mom knew that, and things got rocky in there relationship as well. They fought quite a bit. Bo had a little different relationship with Barry. Barry wasn’t quite as tough on Barry as he was me.
There, I said it.
There were very good days though, days that will forever trump the bad memories. I know he loved me very much, and I loved him very very much. I loved working with him, and learning from him.
He did have a soft side, I just rarely got to see it.
The times he would break character, were when he was with Bragan. Man he loved her. I would often see him from afar, tears rolling down my cheek, he’d just gaze at her and love on her. I anxiously Hoped that maybe he would show that love to me. Just maybe.
Looking back, I held on to a hope that never came to fruition.
Also during this time we started having new visitors.
My moms family always came over. Very often. My dads family lived in Texas (aside from one sister who lives in north Alabama) so I didn’t get to see them much.
But when Bragan was born, Barry’s (mother’s side) family would visit from time to time. Barry’s fathers side we saw very often. His brother and sisters we would see a good bit. His brother had kids around our age, we have great memories together.
We saw (Barry’s Mothers side of the family) them 1-3 times a year. Literally Only on holidays. They came over a few more times right after Bragan was born. And would always be at her birthdays and events. I started to see something was different with them. At first I thought they were nice, until I realized most of time I saw them they were buzzed.
They treated bo and I differently, and my mom for that matter. It was almost like we were just there. But didn’t exist. They definitely didn’t treat us like family. Sure, they bought us presents and gave us money. But family can’t be bought.
They were a holiday family, nothing more , nothing less. I caught on to that at a very young age.
The family I knew always called, always asked if we could come over, visited very often, and checked on us always. Thats what family was to me. Family meant something. Family meant love. Barry’s family, nope. I asked Barry about it on numerous occasions. He always said the same thing “Caleb, they just do family differently, they aren’t gonna be real involved. They’re a holiday-only family. They’re money-driven. Caleb, they’re ruthless.”
That statement would later ring in my ear 20 years later.
But at the time I didn’t really understand. I got used to it. It didn’t really bother me then.
I usually would forget all about that when my moms side would call or come get us. Whether it was granny, Duju, Teeta, uncle john, or my dad. They were my standard.
Up next
Bragan goes to school
I start taking football and school seriously.
Bo gets his drivers license, and the fun begins.
Mom and Barry’s relationship continues to unravel
Barry and I continue to have issues
Christ flips my world on its head.
Part 5 to follow
