This Blood: Therapy Sessions pt. 1

I’ve never written any kind of story, so I’m sure I’m gonna do a whole lot of things wrong on this.
At the very least it will maybe bring peace to myself, maybe a little “therapy session” as rapper NF calls it.
Spoiler alert , this doesn’t have a happy ending. Really no great meaning at the end. So if that’s what your looking for, you can find it somewhere else.
I want to tell you the story of the Williams family. The tragic story of the Williams family. Barry, Teresa and Bragan Williams, and how my brother (bo) and I fit into this tragedy. I just want to remember as much as I can, so this is the only way I know how.

I only know how to tell this story from one perspective, mine. So, let’s do this.
Therapy session begins now...
I was born Nov. 11 1989 to Marvin and Teresa Cole. My mother already had one son , my big brother Bo Holloway. My mom had a bit of a rocky ride with relationships to say the least.
So my mom and dad’s relationship didn’t last long, I would say they were married for a couple years.
Bo’s dad past away around the same time that mom divorced my dad. His death isn’t talked about much. Bo doesn’t really like talking about it, so I honor that.

My mom worked a bunch of jobs, so bo and I jumped around a lot. We stayed with my great aunt “Duju” quite a bit, as well as our grandmother “granny”. We had such fun just being boys. Our imaginations took us away from our unstable life. Everything was crazy around us, but we let our imaginations take us away to an amazing place. That’s just how we rolled. We always couldn’t wait for mom to get off work, we didn’t have much, but we had each other. That’s all we needed.

We moved a lot for awhile, I remember one place we called the “blue house”, mom rented it from this old dude who was super cool. He has a small “put put” joint and would always let us play. My aunt and uncle lived right next to us so that was cool.

At about 4 years of age, my brother at 9, this new guy started hanging around us and mom. I specifically remember his beard and his fro. It was awesome. A hairy, burly Italian stallion named Barry.
More and more he hung out with us, obviously at my age I couldn’t tell what was going on, but my mother had fallen in love with this guy. To be honest at first I didn’t like him. Mainly because I was a spoiled brat for the most part, and he wouldn’t let me be a spoiled brat, so that was no fun. Eventually I realized he was “cool”. about 1 year later, my world got a little more crazy. I had 3 separate head injuries. The last one almost killed me. I fell from a top floor apartment unto concrete, head first. Long story short I’m half deaf due to that. Also from that came social awkwardness, in a big room, there is a big echo like sound when a bunch of ppl are in it, and so I can’t hear anything anyone says, and it makes me anxious. So usually I’m a hermit. Anyway back to age 5. After almost dying, life went back to normal pretty much. Except we left that apartment complex, hallelujah.
Eventually we moved to morris, a small city north of Birmingham. In a trailer park , and boy did we have fun, there were so many kids. It was heaven to bo and I. This is really where I really start remembering things pretty well. Mom, bo , and I had such a great time with just us. I got to see my dad every other weekend so that was cool. Barry soon moved into the trailer park just a couple trailers up from us. This leads in to probably the best part of our life as a family. Part 2 soon to follow...

Do you know a time traveler?

Excuse me, I have a favor to ask 

Or to whom it may concern

I just really wanna go back 

Time has done me a terrible act

Do you know a time traveler? 

I would love to meet him 

Id beg for just one hour

To see my family still breathing

To see momma’s smile

That contagious grin

I’d let her baby me for a while

Hug the tar outta her again and again 

To hear Barry playing the drums 

He’d see me watching him from the stairs 

Hands me the sticks and teaches me “here comes the sun”. 

To hear a knock on the door at midnight 

Baby sister is scared, needs me to kill the monsters.

Can I have extra time with her please?

Dial the time back an extra hour for me.

I still need time

 please I’ll double my offer. 

Do you know a time traveler? 

I need to find him 

I’ll give him every last dollar 

To be with them again 

How you bleed

“As the hard frosts in winter bring on the flowers in the spring, and as the night ushers in the morning-star, so the evils of affliction produce much good to those that love God.”
-Thomas Watson 

Much is said regarding affliction. Whether it be dealing with tragedy, death , disease, addiction..etc, most of what is said sounds something like this:

You can get out of this! 
Time will heal! 
Stay busy, to keep your mind off of it! 
Or my favorite, satan is attacking you, fight back! 

Not all of that is false, but it certainly isn’t all true either.

I do think it would be be to ask this question:

How do you bleed? 

Obviously I’m speaking in metaphorical terms, but hear me out. 

How do you bleed in times of hardship? 
Or better said...what do you bleed?
Is it via a choice drug or alcohol? Many see it as a “escape”. 

Maybe you bleed depression. Many tend to close everyone and everything out during difficult times.

Maybe you bleed anxieties. Difficult and tragic times can lead some to be anxious and worry about everything. 

Maybe you bleed anger. 

Maybe you bleed pleasure. 

Maybe you bleed “staying busy to keep my mind off things”

Maybe you bleed “fill in the blank”.


How do you deal with death? 
How do you deal with the pain and grief?
How do you handle it?


I know I have listed a plethora of questions. 
But the answer to these questions are extremely important. 

Whatever it is you are going through, maybe good or bad. 
When the evils of the life hit you like a ton of bricks. what are you going to do? 

I certainly don’t have all the answers to life’s difficult questions. 
 And I certainly don’t know all there is about pain and suffering. 

But there is only one way to make it through. 
Only by Gods grace. 
And providentially He has set forth help for us:

Bleed the Word
- God gave us a “survivor handbook” at our disposal.
Absorb it all like a sponge! 
Bleed Prayer
- We have access to God , you can talk to him anytime, He will come to your aid! 
-but also remember this:
Silence is not the absence of God.
Bleed fellowship
- if you think for one second you can through this alone you are fooling yourself! 
Bleed Praise
-sing to the Lord! Praise Him! Are you breathing? Who gave you that breathe? 
Bleed thanksgiving:
Don’t forget all the many things God has done for you 
Bleed the Gospel:
Preach the Gospel to yourself everyday
Remember constantly where you were (before Christ) and where you are (in Christ).
Bleed the attributes of God:
Study God’s character 
Why in the world would you not want to know God more? Especially during difficult times! 
Bleed the “old dead guys”:
Most of the best writings regarding our faith (outside of the Bible)
are largely from those who have already crossed the finish line.


I hope and pray this helps someone.
I’m no expert on affliction and tragic circumstances,
But I have been though it, and this helps me get through it.
I pray the same for you.

God’s grace is sufficient.

Soli deo Gloria 

The death it brings

A lot of people like summer
All the fun an all
Maybe it’s the sun on their skin.
With that blistering heat
I for one can’t stand it
I can barely breathe

I’ll take winter,
Without the death it brings
Yeah, I’ll take winter,
Without the death it brings

It took my momma , and my baby,
grandmother , and the man that raised me

Yeah I’ll take winter ,
Without the death it brings

Some of y’all like fall
The changin’ of the leaves
Pumpkins and Halloween
It’s alright to me

But I’ll take winter
Without the death it brings
Yeah I’ll take winter
Without the death it brings

It took my momma , and my baby,
grandmother, and the man that raised me

Yeah I’ll take winter,
Without the death it brings

Maybe yours is spring
 sand all in your feet
And my allergies go crazy,
insects invade the house
It just ain’t for me

I’ll take winter ,
without the death it brings
Yeah. I’ll take winter ,
without the death it brings

It took my momma, and my baby,
grandmother, and the man that raised me

Yeah I’ll take winter,
Without the death it brings

It’s the cracklin’ of the fire
Hot coffee in my hand
My wife holdin’ me
Maybe you understand

I’ll take winter,
Without the death it brings

Lessons from stupid men

 “ The king then gave orders, and they brought those men who had maliciously accused Daniel, and they cast them, their children and their wives into the lions’ den; and they had not reached the bottom of the den before the lions overpowered them and crushed all their bones.” Daniel 6:24

Many often read the story of “Daniel in the lions den”
And quickly scroll though the verses after it. 
I couldn’t tell you how many times I have, but,
For some reason, it hit me like a ton of bricks this time.

“Wait, hold on! Their wives and kids?” “Why?”
“What did they do to deserve that?” 
“What a tragedy!!”
So many thoughts rolling in until I was able to realize 
the truth behind this powerful, dark and horrifying verse. 

Husbands, walk carefully and think clearly.
Your actions either directly or indirectly effect your family,
For the good or bad.
Whether it’s “one more drink won’t hurt”
Or “hey kids let’s read the Word a few more minutes”.
You’re impacting your family everyday.
Every minute at work and every minute at home. 
It matters, every second matters. 

Don’t let up, stay sober minded 
One little unwise decision could end it all.

Do you think these men had any inkling that their 
Stupid decision would mean their wives and children dying a 
Horrific death? Of course not, no way.

So, husbands, wake up
Don’t take a second for granted.
Tend to your kids masterfully and 
Love your wives tenderly 

Learn from these stupid men
 ....and Don’t be stupid

You changed mine

You’re not a widely know gal
Born to a middle class family
In a middle class town

Your mom and dad,they
Worked hard every day
They had bills to pay
And two girls to raise

You were your daddy’s shadow
The standard he gave
Made the man who would
Hold your hand walk slow

That day you caught me eye
You didn’t change the world
But you changed mine

When I moved back
Hell was in my heart
Darkness in my tracks

When you came to me
Grace was in your heart
Your love touched softly

My love, You chased me down
A wedding and three boys later
You are still my crown

That day you caught my eye
You didn’t change the world
But you changed mine

Easier said than done

I hear “just let it go”
It keeps goin’ in my head
Then enters vertigo
It’s easier said than done

I hear “It’s no big deal”
But it is to me
Give me time to heal
It’s easier said than done

Like a gator’s back
I wanna be strong
I’m the fly
On a lizards tongue
As the wind blows, I’m thrown

I’m not the guy
Throwin’ stones
I hide behind
Broken bones
As the wind blows, I’m thrown

I hear “forget about it”
But I can’t
It runs through my veins a bit
It’s easier said than done

I hear “it’s time to move on”
If you knew her
You’d beg for the
Voicemail on my phone
It’s easier said than done

Like a gator’s back
I wanna be strong
I’m the fly
On a lizard’s tongue
As the wind blows, I’m thrown

I’m not the guy
Throwin’ stones
I hide behind
Broken bones
As the wind blows, I’m thrown