Why I left the ministry, for God's glory

There may be many things that drive a man, but one thing above all is his purpose in life. Without knowing your purpose you will feel lost and tirelessly search for answers. Due to that,  life will feel pointless to you, and depression and hopelessness will set it. I know , because I've been there.

I had many tell me what they thought was my purpose in life as I grew up . Many family members and friends believed I was called by God for the ministry.  They said I was gifted in speaking, preaching, and in theology, therefore I must be called.

They were wrong, and I'm so glad they were.

I believed for many years while that I was called. I preached many sermons , studied hard and began looking into seminary options. Until one night , and I remember that night like it was yesterday.... I was memorizing First Timothy , and I got to Chapter Three. In that Chapter it reveals a set of qualifications for anyone who believes they are called into the ministry. I saw the evilness of my heart, and realized that although I thought I was called and that my intentions were pure, they were not. That day, God showed me that I wasn't called to be preacher.

It devastated me. I saw myself as a fake, and a failure. It took me a while to come to the realization that God had others plans for me, and that those plans were better than the ministry. It was so hard for me to see that. Could I glorify God doing something else besides preaching? I Found that answer to be an emphatic yes. If I were to continue in the ministry , I would not be glorifying God.

There were many who told me that I was making a mistake, and  I should stay in the ministry. I would answer by saying " I follow God's Word, and according to God's Word, I am not called". That usually shut them up. Most of them had no idea about anything in the Bible to even make such a statement, and from that I realized something very important.

One major reason why many thought I was called was my knowledge of , and my devotion to the Bible. But, is that a trait only for preachers??? That's the problem. Today, just about the only one who studies the Bible is the preacher.

Men, we are all called to be preachers of our home. It is not just the job of the preacher to train my family up in God's Word or to watch over their soul. There will be many who will have to answer for this. "Oh its not my responsibility to know the Bible, that's my preachers job." That came directly from Satan and I abhor it. It is our job Men, and we will be held responsible. Brush the dust off  your Bible and stick your head in it until you go blind, and then get the audio version. If you were to get cut, you better bleed the Bible. You cannot survive without it, and your family won't either. Every Husband is this pastor of their home.

So I glorified God by leaving the ministry. Sounds crazy right? It's so true though. Plumbing isn't exactly what I had in mind. However , I love my job, and I'm good at it. I'm Happy and I know I'm in God's will. It's such a liberating feeling. I'm free to live, and I'm not constrained by what someone else thinks I should do with my life. I'm just free now, living in God's grace.

Suicide and God's grace

Nearly 30,000 Americans commit suicide every year. It (Suicide) is the 3rd leading cause of death for 15 to 24 year olds, and it is the 2nd leading cause of death for 24-35 year olds. On Average, 1 person commits suicide every 40 seconds, somewhere around the world. 1 in 65,000 children ages 10 to 14 commit suicide each year. There are two times as many deaths to suicide than HIV/AIDS.

There are seven recorded Suicides in the Bible
1.Judges 9:54
2.Judges 16:30
3.1 Samuel 31:4
4.1 Samuel 31:5
5.2 Samuel 17:23
6.1 Kings 16:18
7. Matthew 27:5

Growing up, I was oftentimes taught this main theme : You make your dreams come true. You get out there, You go get it. We were all taught that. If you want it , go get it. How many celebrities say this when receiving an award?? It is ingrained within us. The sense of making life happen. We make who we are, that's the American dream. Then, when we come to Christianity, it's so easy to think the same way. "I do good, I'll get to heaven".

There is one problem. God made it so that the only way to heaven is completely outside of us. We can't do it, but He can and will. How amazing is that!? You see, through God's eyes no one does good, Everyone deserves utter damnation. Only complete perfection can enter heaven . So obviously that's bad news for us. However , He ,through His pre-determined plan , sent His perfect Son to die on the cross and be resurrected  on the third day. By doing so, the sins of His people were atoned for, and God's justice was satisfied. Therefore salvation is not by man's doing, but by God's grace alone. No deed can send us to hell, and no deed can help us get to heaven.

Remember the Pharisees? Yea, the ones who crucified Jesus. I would argue, the majority of so called "Christians" are actually the modern version of the Pharisees and are turning the great Faith into something that its not, either intentionally or unintentionally. It's Spiritual suicide. It's a turning away from Christianity and putting your own twist to it ( by "new rules" or "new teachings").There is a growing trend now-a-days, well really its been going on for a long time, but there are many who say by committing suicide, you doom yourself to hell. This angers me. These people who make this claim , they themselves claim to be Christians. They don't realize , however, that by doing so, they are claiming that they themselves are doomed for hell. Let me explain.

If suicide sends us to hell, then  human civilization  as a whole is doomed. Isn't Jesus' blood strong enough to save His people?  "Yes, but". No , there is no exception . Nothing can separate us from God's love. I'm pretty sure that's in the Bible somewhere. If one sin can damn us , then we are all damned. We all deserve the darkest and hottest part of hell. We deserve God's fiery wrath.  Jesus' blood is sufficient and strong enough to save all that are His. None of His children will slip from His hands. Think logically , it doesn't add up. It doesn't make any sense in light of God's Word.Who are you? You who cast judgment upon a weary soul? Stop casting judgments on matters that you obviously have no idea about, and start looking at your own spiritual state.

Watching you

Watching you grow,
Causes me to smile.
No matter how my day goes,
You study me with a grin.

Watching you grow,
Brings tears to my eyes.
I study you to show
Mommy you look more like me.

Watching you grow,
Puts joy in my heart.
Big brother stoopes low,
And gently kisses your cheek.

Watching you, Chase.
I will always be watching you.

Chase

You will be arriving soon,
I can't wait to meet you.

Most dads make high
expectations for their kids.
I'm not "most dads".
I love you Chase.

I don't care if you are tall,
and I don't care if you are short.
I love you.

I don't care if you are skinny,
and I don't care if you are fat.
I love you.

I don't care if you're good at sports,
and I don't care if you are not.
I love you.

I don't care if you are very smart,
and I don't care if you aren't.
I love you.

I don't care if you are outgoing,
and I don't care if you are shy.
I love you.

Not matter where you go,
and no matter what you to do.
I love you.

I will always love you son,
Dad

Through the eyes of a three-year old

 

 

 

Oftentimes, I stare with amazement at my son, Conner.

 It is so much fun watching him grow, watching his mind grow.

 He is such a thinker (I'm not sure where he got that from),

and is always analyzing things. The things he is fascinated

by humble me at times. You know, the little things I always

look past, he always takes a second look at. Sticks, toys, ants.. etc. 

He looks with amazement a things I deem worthless,

because he can make use of them. He can make a stick

become a train track, or an arm off of a

 ninja turtle become a flying saucer that will hit me

in my happy place.

Nonetheless, its his imagination I am speaking of.

What happened to my imagination? I

 know all the obvious answers to that

("growing up", "responsibilities", "maturity"),

but in a real sense I believe it would help us all if we

revamped our imaginations, or rediscovered them for that matter.

Have you ever thought about how for the most part, children by

and large are usually the most happy, joyous, and smile-full?

 I would argue that they are that way because of their

amazing imaginations. They can forget about problems,

tragedies, and monsters, just by remembering that they

can make a mighty castle with some blankets and chairs.

 I believe God gave us our imaginations so we could

use our imaginations, not so we could give Adderall to

 people who use their imaginations to the fullest.

Think big, make up crazy stuff in your head, be weird,

and then your problems might not seem so bad anymore.

You might just find a solution to your problems by using your imagination.

Sometimes, I think it would help if we saw through the eyes of a three-year old.

 

 

My First-Born

In light of the fact that my wife is

pregnant with our son, Chase,

 I would like to express my love

for my first-born son, Conner.
 Does that statement puzzle you?

"Caleb, you are not his biological father"

True, however, I adopted Him.

Maybe, you are unaware of what all that entails.

Let me explain.

 

I am a Christian, therefore, I believe I have been adopted

into God's kingdom that was believed to be only for

God's chosen people, the Jews. I am a gentile, you see.

 I was also adopted, The One who adopted me was The God-man.

His name is Jesus. He died on a cross,

and was resurrected on the third day, and by doing so,

He satisfied justice on my behalf, Imputed His righteousness

unto me, paid my sin debt, cleared my dirty record,

and declared me righteous.
 By doing all of that, I am now His son. 

God the Father now looks at me, and sees His Son's righteousness.

His precious blood paid for all of my sins.

 I did nothing to deserve it,

 I was not born into it, but I was brought into it.

Want to know the cool thing?
I get to reap all the benefits,

everyone of them, because I was adopted by Jesus.

 

Now, when I see my adopted son, I see me.

He is not less than,

 a hand-me-down, or not good enough.

His name is Conner Ryan Cole!!
He is more than good enough!!
I am not worthy of Him!!!

I am his father, and I will always be his father.

I love him very much, more than I even know.

I will never show any favoritism, nor will I be partial

 to any of my children. 

He is my son, and he always will be.

He will reap all the benefits. All of them.

 

The only difference is that I am not God, so

I am not a gift to Conner, but He is a grace-gift to me,

and I treasure Him, very, very, very much.

 

 Now, before that time comes when Chase arrives,

and when family and friends

begin saying things like,

"congratulations on having your first-born son!"

I hope you will understand why
 I am a bit direct in saying

"Why are you congratulating me now?

My first-born has already been here for a while,

 his name is Conner....

Put that in your pipe and smoke it."

"He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself,
according the kind intention of His will,
 to the praise of the glory of His grace,
which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved." -Ephesians 1:5-6
 

Don't rule her out

Maybe you are a loner. Maybe you are heartbroken.
Maybe you just don't care.
 Maybe you just want to have sex with any girl you see.
I would like you to listen to a story of mine,
 a story of how my life drastically changed.
I went from being a loner, heartbroken, uncaring, and a player
to a family man.

A few years ago, I thought I had it all together.
 I met this girl , and I thought I was in love.
I had it in my head, that God's will for me was to marry her.
I changed my whole life for her. Basically I changed who I was.
I left my hometown and moved up to where she lived.
 I started seeing, however, that it wasn't going to work out.
 We were two totally different people, and we split up.
 It broke my heart. I was so sure she was the one.
Depression starting kicking in, and I crawled up into my shell.
 I blocked out the world. I felt like a complete failure.
 I couldn't understand what went wrong! I kept saying
"God, what did I do wrong! Why did you bring her into my life??"

I grew up in a broken home. I wasn't  able to see my dad much,

only about every other weekend.
I never know what it was
like to be in a home where my mom and dad lived together, and
loved each other. That's all I ever wanted. I just wanted a family.
I wanted to be in love, and happy. I wanted children, and I wanted
them to know that their daddy loves them. I could care less about
riches, or fame. I just wanted love, real love.
 I had dreamed about it since I was born.

I thought I had found it, and I was wrong.
I was so devastated. Heartbroken to be exact.
 I couldn't see how any girl would ever want me again.
 I hated feeling this way, but I couldn't help it. I tried and tried.
 I remember friends telling me "cheer up man, you'll find the
right girl eventually". I thought to myself, "eventually? really?".

Well, I didn't stay heartbroken for long.
I basically stopped caring about everything except
one thing, sex. I decided to start sleeping around.
I felt that I was being a "man". That's the American way, right?
I went to bars, clubs, and parties. Drinking my life away,
and having sex with as many girls as possible.

One day I remember getting a text from one my ex-girlfriends
from high school, her name was Jessie.
We dated on and off since middle school, but we
always remained friends. I just remember she always
 used to be head over heals for me.My mom used to tell me
"She is the one for you, son". At this point, She was a single mom.
 She had a one year old son. The biological dad ran out. I thought,
"there's no way". I'm supposed to have the "perfect family".
I couldn't see myself being a dad yet, I had lost my dreams.
I was so blinded by my "new life".  Ever so often, however,
 a part of me screamed, "Stop, Caleb! You are ruining your life!"
That was soon forgotten by the next party, the next girl.

Eventually , I went out on a date with Jessie.
 It was like old times.
She was very reserved, and very beautiful.
I was amazed at how selfless she was.
 I met her son, Conner. He was so much fun.
I was still very cautious. I wasn't sure if I could do this.
We dated for a little while, and I was falling in love.
Not only with Jessie, but with Conner also.
It was awesome and beautiful. This love kept growing,
and I got scared. I remembered what happened the last time
 I thought I was in love. So I bolted.
I broke up with Jessie, and left Conner.
"What was I thinking!, I can't be a good man,
much less a good father. I guess
I'm just going to end up like my dad."
 I destroyed Jessie's heart, and walked out on Conner.
 I kept justifying it, "I'm not the dad, that's not my responsibility."
"I'm just not ready".

I tried to move on , and attempted
to get them out of my head.
 I tried to go back to the parties and bars.
I tried to go back to my "new life".
 One night, at a party, as I was drinking away,
I kept getting pictures in my head of Jessie and Conner.
 I kept feeling the pain I had as a child of having no Father.
I kept feeling Jessie's pain. I kept seeing them playing,
 seeing them laughing. It was like God himself said to me,
 "Caleb! All you have ever desired was a family!
All you have ever wanted was love!
 There is a woman who loves you deeply
 and a boy who wants a daddy, what are you doing??"
It was like a light went off in my head,
and this time,
 I bolted from the right place.

And the rest is history....

Jessie and I are married, and Conner is
legally my son. My dream came true.
I am madly in love with my beautiful wife, and
my son is my joy. Oh, my wife is pregnant too :-)
I actually have the "perfect" family,
and I feel like the richest man in the world.

You think you have it all figured out, single man?
 Do you enjoy ruining your life? Here is some advice,
don't rule out single moms.
 In fact, go for the single mom. It might just changed your life.
It might be the best Christmas ever.
Merry Christmas, from me to you.